i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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