he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
