I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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