Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
