If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
So apparently I’m into choking now
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