i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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