Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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