Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I wish life had little blips of pornography
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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