I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
