I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
