My balls are so social today.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Randomize
