I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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