so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
