Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Randomize
