So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i just google imaged poop.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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