Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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