Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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