"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
