Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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