Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
