That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
