she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
