I just saw a hot homeless man
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
