I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
