i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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