i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
