this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
