My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
birth control should be required to get into college
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
