he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
My vagina is officially offended.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize