I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
