i permit you to call me
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
