fuck your aforementioned shoe
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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