I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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