We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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