i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
