Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
