i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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