My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
