He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
