i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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