i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
