my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
