please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
