I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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