Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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