Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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