My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
