Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
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