How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Randomize
