Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
