Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
