I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
