All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just pynch a tree in the face
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
