the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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