Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
