is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
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