im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
