i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Randomize
