He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
