We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Randomize
