She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'm both gender and math confused
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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