you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
