Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Randomize
