# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
We are two peas in an std pod
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize