Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Let's paint friendship bongs
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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