It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
