Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
The uberlube is also flammable
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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