I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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