Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
