I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
