Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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