I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
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I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
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No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
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