I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Randomize
