4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
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He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
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I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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