The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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