This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
