Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
