So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
