lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Rumble strips road head = magical
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
